gheyer

(no subject)

yesterday was one of the best days ever.
under the weight of alcohol, i spent some quality time and conversations with one of my best friends.
i felt bad when i saw phil though, he completely avoided me even though he knew i was there, even going as far as to walk right in front of the bar where i was, grab a glass and turn completely around without even looking up.

in other news, under the weight of alcohol, mike and i reinforced our theory of double clapping. it works, shut up. AND AND AND, MY ALL TIME CRUSH, aka Blue Jay, the super cute DJ at Halo, danced with us. for a few songs. mike was going to shove me into him, and i was going to ask him to dance, but just as i got the courage to do so, he went back to the booth. :( i ♥ him. seriously. ♥

and also, i had a very disturbing dream in which corey and i went to a party and in the basement there was a screen set up and some movie/music documentary was set up. i was down there by myself, corey was upstairs somewhere and there were nothing but guys there. one tall guy moved right in front of me and was blocking my view of the screen so i yelled (under the weight of a little alcohol) that "some people are assholes and should stick to the back". he turned around and started pushing me and yelling at me, then a few of his friends came over and they were grabbing me in inappropriate places and ripping off some of my clothes. after it was all finished, i was shakey and i texted corey and said "we need to leave, i have to get out of here" and he writes back "well i'll see you later then"
and i started to cry.

but, under the weight of alcohol... I must admist i was charmed by your advances... your advantage left me helplessly into you., this could be a huge problem....
  • Current Mood
    drunk hung over
gheyer

(no subject)

as stupid as you may think I am, I gave my two weeks notice.
I don't know what will happen after that, but I'm taking a huge chance with this.
gheyer

(no subject)

At times like this, I'm reminded of Jeffrey.

♥ Can I erase myself and start all over again? says:
I want to crawl into bed and cry.

the fence around your garden won't keep the ice from falling says:
can i come?

♥ Can I erase myself and start all over again? says:
yes.

the fence around your garden won't keep the ice from falling says:
i will hold your hand at the hard parts. because sometimes that's nice to have



sigh.
gheyer

(no subject)

Here we are again.
A state of introspection so potent that I refuse to elaborate.
In a fit of desperation, I took it upon myself to start a project that will occupy myself until school starts.
I am going to pull out the calm books, blow the dust off and complete a budget that will enable me to move out of the city/province/neighbourhood (at least) in two years. I've already left this place emotionally and mentally. I might as well take my body to a place where I feel I belong.

In other news, I feel despondent and numb today. I'm sure the feeling will pass, as it always seems to do, but the constant flux of moods are wearing away an already frail veneer. I feel a surge of depression at my doorstep and I'm attempting every act of distraction to keep it at bay.

in my head, there's a greyhound station
where i send my thoughts to far off destinations
so they may have a chance of finding a place where their far more suited than here.
  • Current Music
    the weakerthans - aside
gheyer

(no subject)

The worst feeling in the world... deep feelings for someone who won't return them the way you want.

Seriously, it's starting to bum me out. And all my friends say "don't worry, on saturday we'll get drunk and there will be lots of boys for you to have fun with". That sounds like a plan, save one minor detail.... That's not me.
I'm loyal. I like someone... a lot, so that makes harmless flirting/hooking up with strangers just not right. Needless to say I'm not really good at meeting new people and hitting it off anyways.

Even though it's over and I know it's never going to work out... I keep holding on to the thought that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I am interpreting the signals right. Maybe I should make a move. Maybe I should do something about it. Or maybe it's an imagination lead by a hopeful heart.

In other news, I'm giving up drugs. No more pot for me. I've smoked so much in the past two months that I think it's starting to affect my lungs. After my attack yesterday I'm going to not do it anymore. It's time to cut off the vices.


P.S., This is the first time someone has ever applauded my worst personality disfunctions.

[we were talking about pizza subs from subway and how they are the only ones i get]
Addicted to the Hustle says:
Are you open to TRYING new subs?
this is a mouth that needs religion says:
depends what's on them.
this is a mouth that needs religion says:
most of the time: no
this is a mouth that needs religion says:
i'm a stubborn asshole.
Addicted to the Hustle says:
Haha
Addicted to the Hustle says:
That's adorable
gheyer

(no subject)

OK, so I'm back earlier than expected. We decided to forgo the Canmore experience.

Calgary was a lot of fun. Corey took me to RecordLand and seriously, my only reaction coming in was "holy shit". It's full from the floor to ceiling of records, tapes, cd singles, albums... shit it's amazing. The guy who was working there, and who may have owned it and I had a good conversation about hockey. After we went for supper and learned that turning lanes in calgary kind of suck because they don't really have a system for the lights. But the trains? Awessome.

In other news, I really like Calgary. We got lost a few times but it was ok. I was the worst navigator in the world. Anyways, the show was great. I found musically the bands were way better... but in terms of the crowd, I liked the Edmonton show atmosphere. More intimate.... and I knew a lot of people there. After the show we decided not to go to Canmore and left for home. However we got lost leaving the city and kept getting nowhere we wanted to go and had to get directions. For some reason we were really giddy when we were leaving. It was a lot of fun. We listened to Bruce Campbell's "Making Love the Bruce Campbell Way" audio book on the way there, on the way out we listened to Comedians and random music then I fell asleep. Corey nudged me only once to wake me, and unlike he threatned did not spit on me the second time I fell asleep. The ride was fun, I like being in the passenger seat. Towards the end of the voyage though... I got a really bad allergic reaction to something in the air and totally had a huge reaction. I couldn't breathe and my inhaler wasn't working so I paniced and probablly really freaked Corey out... I had to take another puff and it ended up really making me shakey. So corey sat with me in the driveway before he left so that I could just wait it out.
He's amazing.

Anyways, I went to sleep, woke up and here I am. Back to the same life I am so desperately trying to escape. Full of boredom and predictability. I wish I never had to come home.

PICTURESCollapse )
gheyer

(no subject)

OK.

SO yesterday was amazing. I met death cab, and it wasn't even me who freaked out. Corey sort of did. Anyways, this is an abbr. version so here's a point and click version.

The guys were super nice, very rushed but nice. I got stuff signed and got to gush to ben about how much I love his music and I got to tell Chris he is adorable and the best on the recorder. After that I was pumped. I could have started a fight with a 6'5, 245lb man and kicked his ass based on sheer adrenalin alone.

The concert was sort of. Well I didn't really watch all of it. I missed the cribs, absolutely fucking loved death cab, but then again I wasn't expecting any less of them. They tend to put on a good show... and I wasn't too impressed with Franz, so I spent time wandering around outside, watching the traffic pass... then I realized they were playing the hockey game in the foyer so I watched that with some people. The rest of the show, Kerri and I made fun of the stupid idiot boys in front of us.

After the concert, Daniel, Tony, Corey, Alisha and I went to BPs and had some horrible terrible conversations that were nothing short of hillarious. I came home, read some of the book I borrowed from Corey and fell asleep.

On that note, I had some effed up mini dreams. Here they are in short.

Corey and I were walking through my zellers before we left for Calgary and my hand brushed his and he grabbed it, sort of like in shopgirl, we walked through the store hand in hand and I saw Duncan walking past and I made an excited face.

Then I was going to the back to grab some things and Mike was working at my zellers for some reason (since he's on to bigger and better things). I was saying goodbye and I give him a hug in which he awkwardly kisses me on the lips, except it didn't work at all. Then I turn away and he goes "should I just... stick to a hug for good byes?" to which I reply "...... uh.... yea. Was that a eurpoean thing?"

There was one more and it had to do with meeting death cab but I can't exactly remember it.


OH and I had a huge deja vu at the concert with this guy who was beside me for the show. He was in my dream once... and so was his friend and so was him with his phone... His shirt everything. It freaked me out.
We ended up having a talk about booing franz... Cool guy, even though he was probablly like 17.
  • Current Mood
    content content
gheyer

(no subject)

So last night I was abducted. I didn't really have a choice, so I left semi willingly.
My night of pjs and sims 2 was brutally killed by Amanda, so we went and saw a movie/talked till like 1 in the morning at Tim Hortons.
I slept the best I have slept in weeks last night.

I saw Victoria today. We talked and caught up.
I can sense this is going to work this time.
She made me want to leave so much more than I already do.
Her escape to Toronto has left her with many stories, I found myself jealous of her escapades.

I don't know what to wear on Tuesday, I feel like a hand me down in all of my clothes.